12 Years a Slave

The best films are the ones that don't rely on dialogue, but on human emotion. Again Steve McQueen left me speechless. There are certain films in this world that leave you speechless and almost emotionless.

Steve McQueen is known for his 'edgy' films. His previous film Shame received an N-17 rating (a rating above R) and was known for its graphic content, but his debut film Hunger received renown praise. So my curiosity in 12 Years a Slave arose. He has an interesting style of filming; lack of dialogue, but every shot is important. There were many critical scenes in this film and many that stood out to me, the most critical scene to myself was the funeral. Solomon Northup refuses to join the other slaves in the song, but then relents. It was critical because it was the moment Northup admitted that he was a slave. It was pivotal. You could see him surrendering to his situation.

A film that relies heavily on emotion and does not rely a lot on dialogue, good actors that can pull heavy emotion off without being over dramatic are hard to come by. The actors were brilliant. I had never been so frightened then seeing the madness in Epps' eyes as he whipped Patsey over and over again. It was the worst scene to watch.
The emotion in this film was heavy and almost left you emotionless. Possibly because it is so difficult to wrap your head around the concept. That human beings could be so cruel to another human being; that a human could have such a warped idea of what another human is worth. Slavery in America has never ceased to shock me in how dehumanizing it was, that white Americans truly thought African Americans were animals. That they were not better than their dog or their horse.
It is almost next to impossible to muster enough emotion to cry, it is unfathomable to imagine that pain that Northup went through for twelve years. The realization doesn't even hit you until the very end of the film when Northup returns home and sees his daughter and son both grown. His daughter is married and has a baby. He missed those twelve years of his life.

Many reviewers have complained that the ending ended almost hopeless. He left Patsey behind to the mercy of Epps. The men who kidnapped him were never brought to justice, Epps was never brought to justice. Everything just seems very hopeless. But that is the beauty in McQueen's work. He shows how it is and how it was. Yes, Northup was returned to his family, but twelve years was ripped from him. There were still thousands of slaves who were under their masters. There were still the other possible hundred slaves under Epps. McQueen gives you the facts and how it was and we come up with our own conclusion.

Life Will Be Life

Is it possible? Do I live? Surprise, surprise I am indeed alive. I know, shocking. It's been difficult to find what to write about, because really life has been dull. Well, if you call migrating back to the 'home country' and a new niece being born dull. But life has been life. There are the dull moments and there are the special moments.
But I guess I'll take this moment to update you on my life. I started work in the wonderful food service industry which is both rewarding (sometimes) and leaves me just shaking my head in disbelief; disbelief that other people could be so rude to other people, one month ago my sister in law gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, I start college in August, and other than that, that's all that's been going on.
So for my writing, how has that been going? It's been going for the most part, kind of awfully. Sad to say that I haven't really written anything since I left Thailand. But that'll probably change sometime soon since I am going to try and update my blog more.

So far, life has consisted of having epic documentary marathons on Netflix and discovering the joys of actually being able to have Netflix and enjoying the spring weather. But as I said, life has been life. And life will be life.

Stand Up 2014

It has been a while since my last blog post. Almost two months since the last one actually, but this is a new new year, so I should add that to my New Years resolution list (if I had one).
So last year instead of making a long list of resolutions that I would probably never fulfill, I chose one word and focused on that word. I will admit I almost completely forgot about it and went on with my life until I started to look back on my old blog posts and saw the One Word blog post from earlier in 2013. My word was Accept.
Most of my life I have never been good with moving on and accepting what has happened and over think everything. I dwell and continue to look into the past, but now... I'm proud to say that I've gotten better. I still think the world is out to get me some days and struggle with moving on, but just remembering that word and remembering my goal for 2013 helped me in some difficult situations.

I've never been good with accepting things. Accepting facts that are just plain in my face. Facts that I've known my whole life. Growing up in a Christian home, I was 'saved' at five years old. I don't remember it, I barely remember my own baptism. And that worried me. I was never really sure what to say when people asked me if I actually knew I was saved. Of course I knew the general answer, "I believe Christ died for my sins and rose again on the third day." But this year I began to wonder if I actually accepted it for myself. If I actually believed it. As I told my sister there is a huge difference between 'knowing' something and actually 'accepting' something. Just knowing isn't enough, you actually have to accept that this piece of knowledge is true. On November 24, 2013 I went to my pastor and told him I had to be saved.
It's difficult to explain a conversion experience to people who are not Christians. But even for myself, even I didn't know how I felt. It was very emotional and for a little while I felt the feeling of guilt. Guilt because I thought I was lying to everyone for all these years. I went to a bathroom stall and cried because I felt so much guilt. Not quite the feeling I thought I would feel. But I just thought back to the back room I was in and  to the woman who spoke to me about salvation. She was a woman who has known me my whole life, she knew me since I was a little baby and yet she was kind and understanding. She did not judge me and she did not accuse me of being a hypocrite. It was after remembering that moment in the back room that I began to feel better and from then on it was either people judge me or they be happy for me. And people were so happy for me. I don't think I've cried in front of so many people.
I had gone from being clouded. That was how I feel like my life was like before, just clouded and unsure. Going from one thing that made me feel happy to another thing that made me happy. It was all about me being happy. I was enslaved to myself. It was all about what I wanted and what made me happy. After being so depressed before, I wanted to be happy. But God... He gave me another way to be happy. Not one that was like a drug, where you use it and you continue to use it until you begin to develop a love hate relationship with your drug. To non Christians, Christianity may seem like a prison. Filled with what you should and shouldn't do, but it's a relationship you and God. God loves every one of us (John 3:16). There is so much truth in the saying 'God hates the sin, but loves the sinner'. He offers a life in Heaven, a perfect life after we die, when you accept Him. No matter what you do, no matter what, we will have that perfect life. It is one of the most beautiful promises.

I think about about every year, but I am sad to see 2013 go away. 2013 was an awesome year for me. Yes, it was filled with growing pains. A lot of tears, a lot of sadness, a lot of happiness and laughs (thanks Beth ;). But as the great Doctor once said, "The way I see it, ever life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."

So Stand Up.... there's my word. And what does it mean? Being such a passive person, I don't like conflict which has led to me not standing up for myself. That's why this year I'm preparing to stand up for myself, for what I believe in, and for those around me.
Here's to hoping 2014 will be just as awesome as 2013. So what's my plan for 2014? Well, stay in Okinawa until March, land in the States safely, survive my quarter of college, write more (update this blog more), and video each month (more on that later). There's the general plan. But we'll see what else life has in store.
So have a happy new year those of you in the Asia section of the world and happy soon to be new year to those of you in other areas!

The Great Gatsby: The First Two Chapters

Considered a classic of American literature, I finally decided to pick up the book myself. I've been looking for this book everywhere! Since I'm a cheep person, I didn't want to to buy The Great Gatsby for my Kindle and if my dad had the book I would have just borrowed it from him. But since he didn't have it and no one I knew had it, I went to the library. Unfortunately they did not have it at the library, but after a month or two it was available at the library. So it's been a day and I'm on chapter two.
I was surprised that it isn't a long book, but only 154 pages in the copy I have. This would probably be the first book I've read from the 'Jazz Age'. I just never had the chance to read many writers from the Lost Generation. And from the first two chapters, I haven't been able to put the book down. It's very difficult for me to press through a book, I love reading, but it does take a lot to keep me interested. There's a certain mystery about the book; wondering who Gatsby is and for me... what's everyone's problem? No one seems happy with their lives, everyone just seems miserable and unhappy with their lives, with their marriages, everything. Two chapters in, Daisy is annoyingly optimistic and sickeningly sweet while her husband Tom is a cheating husband (I would say something else, but let's stick with him just being 'a cheating husband') who's having an affair with the wife of someone else. Even their affair is almost devoid of happiness.
Nick (the narrator and our look into these character's lives) is an interesting enough narrator. I almost tell that Nick is uncomfortable being among high society and seems to be the blue collar kind of guy. He's a nice guy.

I'm only two chapters in, but there's something about the book that wants me to keep reading. So I'm only on page 47 so roughly 107 more pages to go. But if it keeps up whatever Fitzgerald has done to keep me interested, maybe I'll have it done in a few days.

Gap Years and NaNoWriMo

It's NaNoWriMo again. Already. You can imagine my shock when I woke up this morning realizing that it was actually November 1st. Already.

I am currently taking a gap year, kind of like a break between high school and college, and the year seemed to go by faster than usual. Like... is this what life is like for people not in school? It's just so weird to have almost a whole year without any school. Considering the past thirteen years of my life have been nothing BUT school (and the next four and maybe six years of my life will once again be school). So where did the year go?
I woke up on November 1st with a limited plot and no general background on my characters (so bad that I don't even know the hair color of my main character bad right?). And I was planning on making NaNoWriMo 2013 the year I plan desperately. But other things got in the way... Like finding a job to take up most of my time and to save money, studying for the ACTs and signing up for the ACTs, looking up important dates, figuring out when I'm actually leaving Japan (yes, the ACT thing I should have done in my junior year, but when you have a year off it's just kind of better to do it then). But anyway, this year is probably the least unprepared I've been since my first year two years ago, when I found out like a week after it started. So this year is just all on instinct and just very spontaneous. It's going to be an interesting month.

Wish all of you NaNoWriMo participants a good luck on completing for 50,000 word novel!

My Culture?

So I've been living in Japan for a few months now. And it's been... interesting. Can I say that it was even more difficult adjusting than I had thought? Like how I told my sister (who I'm living with while I'm here), last time I came to Japan I knew I was going home after the summer was done with. But this time it's different because I'm not going home to Thailand, after these next three months are over with I'll be going to the States (I have the smallest chance to visit Thailand for a month). There's something daunting about going back to the Sates. Maybe because I've learned while I'm here is that I do lack 'American grace'.
All of my siblings have grown up in Asia. My sister lived in the Philippines for ten years before we adopted her then lived in Japan with us for two before going to America for the first time and of course both my brothers lived in Japan for two years then Thailand for a number of years. Then there's me. Me and my sister got on the subject of our upbringing and how different her's was from mine (she is eleven years older so there was a difference in upbringing) and with a chuckle and shake of the head she said, "You are the most Asian of us all." I had never really thought of that before. I had never really considered that I was very Asian. But as I had written in my blog post about being a TCK, while in Asia I'm American, but while in America I'm Asian. So kind of a lose lose situation there. It's confusing and just... strange. I don't like hugs, I don't really care much for hand shakes (really just human contact with people I don't know is very uncomfortable), and how familiar people are with each other.
Growing up in Asia, I learned that you don't get too close with people, you don't act like they're your best friend when you first meet. But with Americans, it's different. They act so casual with one another, it almost reminds me of Filipinos and how, after one meeting, they're like best friends. It's odd. But then there is still that distance between two people when they first meet. So my question is almost always, 'how close is too close?' Because they're acting like they've known you forever, but then you ask a certain question and you're both strangers again. Like I said, it's odd.
And once again... it's been difficult. Besides my whole family being scattered across the globe, deep down I'm a homebody. I like to be close to my parents (what can I say, I'm the baby of the family?) and don't care much for things changing. So it's been difficult adjusting to the different culture and all because it is so different and let's also add that this is the first time I've been away from my parents for a long time (again I'm the baby of the family).
So while it's been fun, I've got to hang out with my sister more than I've been able to before and get to be around her family. I get to live in Japan again, I have great friends. But homesickness still hits me... I begin to miss the people I left behind there.

7 Day Writing Prompt Challenge: Prompt #7 Putting it All Together

Finally the last day! It's been quite the chaos trying to get all of these written, but I'm proud that I did this. Even though it took a month.... But we'll ignore that. I hope you all enjoyed all of the original writing I've posted. And hopefully next week (or maybe this week if I find the inspiration) I'll have another blog post posted.

He and She

Emma Greere

They met at work. Neither knew each other, but he wanted to talk to her. He really, really wanted to talk to her. She couldn’t hear what he said so he wrote down messages on sticky notes and pasted them on her desk. He couldn’t see how green her eyes were so she told him that she had boring brown eyes so he wouldn’t think that he was missing out on such a beautiful color.
He asked her out on a date, a place where there wasn't a lot of light. When she signed to him that she didn't like dark places he apologized and signed back to her saying that he didn't like bright places. All of the white lights tended to hurt his eyes. There never seemed to be a happy medium for the two of them. But they somehow (in all of their disagreements) worked.
He liked traveling, she hated traveling. He liked green beans, she liked them in moderation.
He and she. They would be told how cute they were together. They would brush aside those comments and shrug and maybe reply back, “He (or she)’s not cute, I’m not cute. Neither of us are cute. We are highly attractive and so are highly attracted to one another.” There was something about the word ‘cute’ that rubbed them the wrong way. They hated the word. So childish and if you ever apply cute to anything you almost automatically think of a bunch of pre teen girls squalling over a ‘cute’ celebrity couple. They would rather not be considered ‘cute’.
Maybe unconventional, but they liked each other. Maybe not quite ready for the word love yet, but they liked.